This morning a friend sent me a comment she’d posted in response to a nasty post on her FB page about me. It was in response to a recent VTDigger article about my intention to run for Pro Tem of the Senate. The reader said I was selfish and disingenuous. (Keep in mind that he’s never actually met me.) So, what’s he basing this on? Apparently, my LGBTQ identity means I’m both selfish and disingenuous. Also, I’m “an affront to creation and family” and somehow–by the very fact of my identity–I’m not a critical thinker. Huh.
As a queer woman, I’ve been called a lot of nasty things in my life, but “not a critical thinker?” Them’s fighting words!
It’s funny what remarks get under my skin. The homophobia is so very old hat that it feels hackneyed and pathetic. And the sexism, well, that’s part of every day life for every woman in this country. If I let that get me down, I’d never leave my house or go onto the internet. But having someone challenge my ability to reason and hold multiple perspectives–that really angered me.
What I’m working on this morning is to use this absurd criticism–by someone who is a complete stranger to me–to my best advantage. What we can’t live with (what we can’t examine) is the thing that will ride us. So today, I am going to shine a light on my ability to reflect, to question, and to entertain the thought that I might be wrong about something. It’s actually a really fun exercise. And although I’m not too excited about the messenger or the very public nature of his unfounded criticism of me, I can repurpose his anger and intolerance to suit MY needs.
This post came on the same day that a good friend of mine, who is also an elected official, reached out to me in anguish and anxiety about the nastiness of her current run for re-election. This woman is smart as a whip, is kind and altruistic, and is a hard worker–the kind of Vermonter we want in public service. She is seriously considering leaving public office after this term because she hates the unfounded public attacks about her personally–not about her political stances or policies.
She’s feeling debilitated by these attacks, and some friends and colleagues want her to get “a thicker skin.” I know they are well-meaning, but I don’t think she needs a thicker skin. I know I don’t want a thicker skin. I don’t want to stop feeling. I don’t want to become numb or inured. I want to keep my big heart open to the world most of the time and only “armor up” when I absolutely need to. It’s not easy to do this. But it’s the only way I can do this work and maintain a sense of self. It’s the only way I WANT to do this work.
