Seeing differently

On our vacation in South Hero several weeks ago, we’d spend most evenings on the deck playing Pictionary. We shared many laughs—and some arguments—as we drew quick sketches to elicit guesses from our teammates. We’d played this game on several other occasions with some success, but this was the first time I noticed the way in which my son built his drawings. This simple observation has given me unexpected insight into how he, as someone on the autism spectrum, interprets his world.

It was his turn to draw. His task was to sketch a kitchen spatula. (Not the rubbery kind used to scrape bowls, but the stiff kind used to flip pancakes. I have since learned that some folks call this a “turner.” But in my house we call it a spatula.) He started his picture by drawing a tiny circle to indicate the hole in the handle by which it can be hung by a hook. Around the hole, he drew a handle. Next came the flat head. He said to me, “Hold on. Wait for it.” Then he carefully drew the slats. I yelled, “Spatula!” as he drew the last slat. 

It was rather an unremarkable moment, and it would’ve been so easy for me to miss the importance. I’m certain I’m given other opportunities for insight into my son each day and miss them. Perhaps because I’m distracted. Maybe because I’m harried or impatient. Or it could be that I simply have a difficult time understanding and accepting that he views the world quite differently.

I keep thinking about how he revealed his drawing bit by bit. He built the entire drawing starting from a small hole in the handle. I know I never would have started my own drawing in that way. This is an important reminder to me that people on the Autism Spectrum view the world and process information differently than neurotypical folks. I’ve read excerpts from some of Temple Grandin’s books and have heard her speak about what it’s like to “think in pictures.” But until I saw my son’s sketches this information never fully landed.

Since the spatula drawing, I’ve learned about a study that tracked the eye movements of people as they looked at hundreds of different images. Half of the participants were officially diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum; the other half were “neurotypical.” 

Previous research has shown that people on the spectrum typically don’t look at faces closely, can be overwhelmed by too much stimuli, and have a tendency to fixate intensely on one image or idea at a time. But this study, published in 2017, helps us to actually see the world how many people on the autism spectrum might.

Co-author Ralph Adolphs, a neuroscientist at CalTech, said about the research, “Among other findings, our work shows that the story is not as simple as saying ‘people with ASD don’t look normally at faces.’ They don’t look at most things in a typical way.” 

You can view the images yourself in this article as they appeared in Business Insider Australia: http://www.businessinsider.com.au/how-autistic-people-see-the-world-2015-10-/amp The images show what participants’ eyes gravitated toward. People with autism tended to focus on the center of each of the images, even when other relevant objects or people were visible. They also looked at the edges of objects and patterns in the images rather than the faces that “neurotypical” participants focused on.

What a revelation this has been for me! That which I accept as being the most important information my eyes and brain take in each moment are almost certainly not the same things that my son sorts as important and worthy of his attention. I wish I’d learned this years ago. I would’ve parented quite differently. I would have understood him so much better. It’s difficult to let go of this heartache, but I’m so grateful for the insight given to me by his spatula drawing.

If we zoom out from this particular topic and consider this idea in a more expansive way, what frustrations do you harbor because someone in your family does not see things quite the same way as you do? How does this play out in your work life? How can you use this new information about autism to be more understanding and more forgiving of those who see something differently? I’ve found it to be a very useful prompt for me to help me consider other perspectives and to truly accept that my view is usually not the only way to look at something.